My policy is simple: you can waste time, or you can waste money – but you cannot waste both at once. This policy is basically an excuse I’ve come up with to stop myself ever doing anything to rein in my spending and time-wasting – I can’t feel bad for spending eighteen hours making a quilt from my old jeans, because I didn’t spend a kopeck on the materials. Why would I guilt myself for spending half my paycheck on Twin Peaks DVDs? Sure, I could’ve torrented them for free, but buying them from kosmos.cz took half a second.

In an attempt to bring myself to justice, I’ve compiled the following list of things I’ve spent stupid amounts of money on in the last few weeks:

• a cassette player;
• another pair of shoes (and they weren’t even good shoes);
• many, many coffees;
• various cassettes from various second-hand shops;
• a chocolate mammoth (don’t ask);
• many, many pints of beer;
• and yet another pair of shoes (but they were good shoes).

And, perhaps more heinous, here’s some stuff I’ve spent my time doing:

• knitting a scarf that’s more holes than wool;
• cooking three hundred litres of soup;
• watching every episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus;
• reading a reddit thread associated with every single episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus;
• trying to respool cassette tape into my broken cassettes;
• and Sitting and Looking at My Walls.

Forgive me, I have wasted both time and money. (Although, and I think we can all agree this is admirable, I have not done it at the same time.)

Bless you, stay tuned for more bland content.