Go on, register a pet called Honestly Shitfaced at the vet. I dare you.

Excellent ways to name your pets.

Bob Mortimer’s Twitter

We’ve all been there: you get home from a long day at work, your creative juices all used up from composing passive aggressive emails to Karen in sales, and when you open the door, you find an adorable pet wearing a blank collar gazing up at you. You know you have to give that little bundle of love a name, but you can barely muster a “Whiskers” or “Spot”, let alone a distinguished title.

Hey, sometimes these things are best left to the experts. For the low, low price of £8 p.a., you can be the owner of a Mortimer original. He’s a national treasure! (Click here for a whole archive of ’em.)

Here are some to get you started:

• Django Untrained
• Friendly Toffeebloke
• Jane Coconuts Gun
• Wendy Broadcast
• Bus Pass Ron

And my personal favourite:

• Threat Level Tesco