Excellent ways to name your pets: Volume I

As I discovered when suggesting names for my soon-to-be-born niece, parents have a certain responsibility when it comes to naming their children: the responsibility not to condemn them to a lifetime of ridicule. This responsibility led my brother to reject most of my best suggestions (Rospanda, Hilarious Jane, and even Willizabeth) out of hand.

Jamie Oliver and other Showbiz types aside, most budding parents agree that it’s wrong to pick your kid’s name based on where your dart lands in Morrissey’s autobiography. This, in my opinion, severely limits how much fun you can have naming your kids.


At least they’ll be well nourished.


No legs.

The same responsibility is decidedly not relevant when it comes to naming one’s pets. Think about it: your goldfish has no idea he’s called Salinger the Isotope, and even if he did – it’s not as if his buddies, Tender Gary and Romeo G. Detlev Jr., have a leg to stand on!


So, let me present part one of what I anticipate will be a very long-running series. I hope I’ll inspire you to give your furry, scaly or feathered companions a name fit, if not for a king, for the child of an A-Lister.

Excellent ways to name your pets.

Translations of Pop Culture Characters.

Do you remember that bit in the second Harry Potter book where Tom Riddle reveals his true identity by showing that his full name is an anagram of I am Lord Voldemort? It’s undoubtedly the one of the most memorable identity reveals in recent pop culture, especially amongst Countdown fans and language nerds.

And what a quandary it posed for its translators, that battalion of clever folk tasked with deciding whether Diagon Alley should be translated to sound kind of like whatever their word for diagonally is. All of a sudden, these beleaguered linguists were faced with the challenge of somehow renaming Tom Riddle so the letters in his name would match up with his pseudonym – a moniker, by the way, that the translators had already had to settle on way back in book one. The results are as ingenious as they are hilarious.

  • Tom Elvis Judusor (French translation)
  • Trevor Delgome (Icelandic)
  • Tom Lomen Valedro (Finnish)
  • and everyone’s favourite: Romeo D. Getlev Jr. (Danish)

Whilst the Chamber of Secrets might provide some of the best prospective pet names, it by no means has a monopoly on them. Feast your eyeballs on these bad boys:

  • Bruno Diaz (mostly obsolete Spanish translation of Bruce Wayne)
  • Tamsybiu Bobas (lit. Darkness Bob – Lithuania’s take on Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons)
  • Laderlappen (Batman again – this time in Swedish. Literally translates as Leatherpatch)


Keep your eyes peeled for more ways to enjoy yourself at your pets’ expense!

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